questions

Now that she's dead, I have a lot more questions to ask her.  That will get me nowhere, first of all, she's dead, second of all, the surviving lot answer differently to the same question.

Whatever my dad can tell me, is one sided.  I have to take into consideration his replies are a form of nostalgia.  Nostalgia is a mixture of what happened, how you feel about it, and what you have already deducted from the course of event.  Is what you wanted to remember, isn't?

Besides, my dad was gone for most part of my life.  My older brother and I stopped talking when she died.  It is like she took our trust and love for each other to the grave.  It is not her fault.  It was simply a realization that dawned upon us, that she was the only reason my brother and I, talk to each other for.  Now the need to talk is no longer there.  Perhaps we need more time.  To reconcile with her death, I know deep down I am still angry at my brother.  For never being there for her when she was sick.  Instead phoned her as she lay on the hospital bed and asked for money.

My sister is the same, we fought before she died and in front of her too.  We were unhappy then, we are just numb now. My sister and I were very close as children, and the we grew up.  We started to like different things.  She grew very fond of crystal meth and I of weed.  Upper VS downer, who do you reckon will win?

So she died, and took with her a piece of my puzzle for the next century.  Perhaps some questions do not need answers, perhaps wondering is part of life.  And peace is part of death